Take It From Me, If You Want To Know How Loved You Are, You Should Definitely Get Cancer

November 2nd, 2018

On Thursday, All Saints Day, my Grandpa Les passed away. If you were lucky enough to know my Grandpa, you would know that it was only fitting that he passed away on November 1st since he was, in fact, a saint. He was 96-years-old and was a true gentleman up until the day he died. He was someone to look up to. He was someone to aspire to be like. He was an amazing grandpa and I am so fortunate for the time I got to spend with him. From his passing, I realized how much strength people have when they come together to persevere through the most difficult of circumstances.

When my Grandma Marge passed away a few years ago, I read a quote during her eulogy that said, “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

You see that strength in the passing of a loved one. You see that strength when someone is taken too soon. You see that strength in the deliverance of bad news. You see that strength in an unfair diagnosis.

You see that strength in people and I have seen that strength first hand in everyone who has been part of my journey.

Lately, it’s safe to say it has been no walk in the park for the Rix Family. Clearly, this is one of those, “when it rains it pours,” kind of moments. If I’ve learned anything from these past few months, though, it is that life can throw a lot of shit at you, but the only way to survive it is to let people be there for you.

In a cancer book, “There’s No Place Like Hope,” that I got from my aunt, there was a quote about loved ones who join the cancer fight that really struck me. It said, “You walk through darkness with us, not because you are ill and have to, but because you choose to. We were drafted, but you enlisted. We recognize and appreciate the difference more than words can ever say. YOU are our heroes, our support, and our reasons for fighting.”

I should probably just end this post right here because that quote just about sums up everything that I had to say. But alas, I like hearing myself talk so I shall continue.

I didn’t sign up for this cancer schtick. Heck, if I wasn’t the one who had cancer I would’ve used my, “Get out of jail free” card by now, but I feel like it’s a bit too late for that.

All of the people who have been there for me, helping me through my journey, CHOSE to show up.

My mom doesn’t have to be a part-time nurse, shot-giver, hero, and full-time mother. She CHOSE to do those things.

My dad doesn’t have to be the drug mule going back and forth to CVS every time a new prescription is ready for me. He CHOSE to make those trips.

My sisters didn’t have to take days off work and school to come to my infusion treatments. They CHOSE to be there for me during the good, the bad, and the ugly.

My friends didn’t expect a Monday afternoon surprise text message that read, “Hey, I have cancer.” They CHOSE to stand by me and offer me humor and mom walks during this time.

My extended family didn’t expect to watch their niece/cousin go through this fight. They CHOSE to send letters, cookies, and candles that would lift my spirits.

My family friends didn’t expect their unofficial family member to get cancer. They CHOSE to be there by sending over meals for my family and just existing for us as an outlet. We appreciate everything more than you know.

For all the people that have supported me on this journey, no one asked you to come along. No one forced you to be by my side during all of this. You crazy kids CHOSE to join me on this path in my life. You CHOSE to show kindness and love to my family. You enlisted yourself on the rough journey ahead and I thank my lucky stars every day that you did.

It’s safe to say that I grew up with a good life, but I never realized how loved I truly was. Another cancer silver lining? Sure.

When I got back from the hospital, I’m pretty sure I was the sole person keeping the local Edible Arrangements in business. I’m also convinced the flower shop in town got the most business that it’s ever gotten in a months time. Even now, 3 months after my cancer diagnosis, I am still receiving gifts, words of encouragement, a whole lot of beanies, and sweets that would make Willy Wonka jealous. Each morning it’s like Christmas morning because a new package or letter of some sort arrives.

And I just have to say…I feel extremely popular, like the mall on Black Friday, kind of popular.

I swear I didn’t know how loved I was until I got cancer, and if this experience didn’t inflate my ego I don’t know what else will. I promise if you’re ever feeling down just drop the cancer card and people will shower you with love and affection. It’s not a fool-proof plan because you may end up looking like an asshole but hey, I have cancer so cut me some slack.

The cookies, the candles, the beanies, the word searches, the knitting kit (not a pro yet still working on it), the books, the flowers, the homemade videos, and the words of inspiration all matter. What I’ve realized, is that it’s the people behind all those actions that matter more.

So, thank you to everyone who has made me feel as popular as a release of a new Netflix original series.

Thank you for thinking I deserve more than Chad Michael Murray, while I disagree I do appreciate your input on my love life.

Thank you for making me feel supported.

Thank you for making me believe that I can conquer this cancer.

Thank you for making me feel like the unstoppable badass that I am (hair or no hair).

Thank you for making me feel loved.

Most importantly, thank you for showing up when it would have been easier to bow out.

I was drafted. You all enlisted. And a simple thank you will never be to enough to express how grateful I am to all of you for helping me in my fight.